why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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