Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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