When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
