im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
