It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize