he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
