oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
