Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
