Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
