Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
