Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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