is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
