I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
