"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
