Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize