You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
