I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
