sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dicks are not precious.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
