Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
