Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
