I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
