I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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