i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
