tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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