hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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