This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
