She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
