i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
