i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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