The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
