You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
