just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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