seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
