Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
