Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
