I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
