Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
