Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize