420 ftw
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
