Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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