the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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