Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
