if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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