I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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