I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
