it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
