I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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