i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
