Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
