Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
