great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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