Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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