guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
