weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
a search helicopter?!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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