Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
