Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
