My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
