Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
