I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
