I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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