help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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