remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
