Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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