Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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