Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
