well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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