we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I believe in your delicious
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
