508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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