Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dicks are not precious.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
