i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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