Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
