a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
