i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
