Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
