would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
