Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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