There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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