____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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