there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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