god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it's like iHOP with fire
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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