i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize