East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
