i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
