Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
