My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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