you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
