Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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