We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize