I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
