Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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