I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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