If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
