dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize