i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
