The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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