i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
