We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
