remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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